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I’m homesick

From a place that I’ve never been

All I know is I don’t belong here

It’s weird and icky feeling

Sure, it has its days where I am full of laughter and warm feelings

But most days I am curious, lost, confused and just feel I don’t belong here.

I don’t understand the language of the humans here. The ways they move make no sense to me. They treat each other with such anger, pride and anguish. The world is sad.

I long for a day where we all love and hug. We laugh and forgive. We learn that everyone’s pain is just trickled down from another hurt being trying to navigate this native land.

We get rid of these systems and organizations that they use to control us and make us productive robots.

I reminisce on the days that we’re all one big village, where you can go to your neighbors’ and get fruit, walk down to the river to get a pail of water, where we sit collectively by the fire and give ancient wisdom to the young ones of the land. Where we teach our own OUR history. Where we grow our own food and create our own occupations based off our gifts. Each gift helps the greater collective and together our gifts keep the world going.

I say reminisce because I feel I’ve been there before. In that time. Must be a past life of mine that I yearn to return to. I daydream a lot about that.

But then I step out into this world and realize it is just a distant memory. My reality is loud, noisy cars, horns, trains, people talking and walking. Stores filled with beeping scanners and people walking fast, pushing carts around in a rush to get shopping done and back home to get to the tv, stove, family, whatever. Rushing to get home so they can prepare to survive another day in the matrix.

The energy is overwhelming. I can feel what others are feeling. I can hear their souls. Everyone is in a rush. I don’t know what the rush is for…. Seems they want to hurry and get to the next moment, but all they are doing is rushing their death. The final destination is the afterlife right?

They speak of this thing called love but it seems that there are so many different instructions on how to obtain it and keep it, so it’s unclear how to achieve it.

There’s dos and donts to everything. Nobody agrees. People get angry and hurt each other because of the opposing beliefs. Again confused because nobody knows with certainty that their way is right.

There’s a thing called science that has to prove everything but there are just some things that science thing can’t explain…

Lost, confused, disconnected. Not sure where my place is here on this earthly realm. I’m just existing. I have these little humans I made with my womb. They are cute and great. Very cuddly, eat a lot and ask tons of questions. My intention is to bring them out of this indoctrination and nurture their soul given gifts that they came to this planet with, not the ones being forced down their throat by these systems created by other flawed humans. I want to awaken their souls so they can live out their mission, as I am here doing. Seeking my soul’s essence and doing what feels good to my soul and not what a system or organization or book says I should do.

That’s when I have the most peace. When I feel in my gut to do or say something, and I oblige.

Whenever I do anything outside of that or ignore my inner nudge, I feel anxious, sad, worried, sick even. So I stay away from things, people and activities that give me the ick.

There’s these people I’ve known my whole life. They say they are your family or bloodline. But they don’t feel familiar either. I don’t have many similarities to them besides some physical features, a laugh or interest in food.

Then I have people I’ve met during my time here that feel very familiar, as if I’ve known them lifetimes ago. Mind-boggling.

Searching for freedom in a place that has rules on how to live this life. They say we are free here but I’d beg to differ. We are told how much to work and our income (they have a tool here, a green paper called money) is set by another human who is called a Boss. I wonder what gives them the say so to determine how much I can earn to feed myself and my tiny humans? Who decides that and what gives them that honor? Interesting.

The days and hours are also confusing to me. My body doesn’t operate as “they” say it should. In the early morning, I am mourning because I am sad I have to break my rest to go outside in the noise, rush and chaos. Brings me anxiety and that ick.

Down here they look to other humans as “leaders, legends” and they use this acronym the GOAT. People idolize these people and treat that like some kind of God. Again, what coins one as such over another? Aren’t we all just souls here having an experience?

*shakes head*

All I know is I miss the places I used to call home before I incarnated here. I seem to have come through some kind of portal of darkness and water and landed here to experience this stuff. Has to be divine if I’m here so I’m making the best of it by doing my research, observing and learning the ways of the people here.

Finding my place and my purpose each and every day. Perhaps I can show some another way of life? Different ways to navigate this journey? If the ways of the present were effective, there wouldn’t be so many sick and sad ppl. When a flower stops growing, we never say “something is wrong with that flower.” We simply repot the flower in better soil, give it more sunlight, and water it more/less to give it a better environment in which to grow.

I think that what we all need here is a new environment in which we can grow. Bring us “home” to the loving, peaceful place that we all once knew. Back to the God we had access to. Back to ourselves and away from the worldly distractions and chaos.

Find your way back.

Be still.

Be quiet.

Be open.

Welcome home.

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