Dear Black Man

Dear Black Man,

I hate that you were loved so conditionally that now you can’t accept unconditional love. You question everyone’s motives and don’t feel that it’s safe to trust. Black man we want to love you, nurture you and care for you, but that can’t happen if there’s no vulnerability. I hate that you don’t have a safe place to just BE. I hate that you are looked down upon if you express yourself or are emotional, because that’s what women and your kids need. It sucks that you were told not to cry, or to “stop acting like a girl” because now you suppress your emotions and don’t know how to express them in a healthy way. It must be tough trying to hold on to all those emotions inside and feel like you can’t trust anyone with them. I hate that smoking, drinking, sex and gambling are your means of coping. I hate that you’re trained to be hard, macho, tough and super masculine because the truth is, men and women both have masculine and feminine energy. We need you to have both. We need balance. It’s not on you to do it all, or the woman. We need to work together. We need you. We need you to feel. We need you to talk to us. We need you to trust us. We need you to love us. I am sorry if you don’t feel loved or valued unless you are producing something or someone. You are way more than a baby maker, a penis, money, cars, clothes and shoes. Oh, Black King you are so much more than that. Most women can see past that. We want more of you. Your heart, your softness. We want to know how you think, what you think. We need your gifts, your intuition, your energy too. I know the pressure gets hard to just produce, provide and protect. We want to do those things for you too, but you have to let us in. I am sorry if you mother wasn’t affectionate because she was chasing men, finding herself, working all the time, or just too depressed to love on you. This is a generational curse. Women are taught to care for everything and everyone and sometimes the task is too much and we fall short in some areas. Maybe one of those areas was loving on you and telling you how valuable you were. Maybe Mama missed it. Mama is sorry. Don’t hurt good women because of the Mama wound. Also know that we as women don’t want to be a nag or a pest, we just want to help-but I’m sure it comes off as we are never happy or pleased, because that’s how Mama was. Please note that it isn’t a woman’s job to fill you up or make you happy or feel good. We are humans too with our own wounds. Heal yours and we heal ours and we can create powerful dynamic families. It is on us both to heal and break curses. Jumping woman to woman won’t heal you, and it doesn’t make you more of a man. It creates damaging cycles and just creates a bigger wound once you see that no number of women can fix that hole. Only you can do that. Sorry if Daddy wasn’t around because he had another family, because he was on drugs, because he was in the streets making ends meet, because he wasn’t loved by his dad and didn’t know how to love you. Sorry if you have a lot of aggression because Daddy wasn’t there. Heal that Daddy wound Black man. Forgive Mama and Daddy. The forgiveness is for you, not them. They are humans who were trying to survive themselves. They had their own traumas and abuse from their childhood and upbringing. They did the best they could with what they knew. You black man, be the curse breaker, the way maker, the shapeshifter, you be the change for your kids and your family going forward. Don’t stay stuck in those wounds forever because you will hurt other people and damage your children. I know it’s hard going through life having to mask. You are taught to mask your feelings, not let them show. You are taught to not be weak and that sucks because having feeling isn’t weak at all, it makes you human. Women are accepted when we release and express feelings. If we aren’t, we have a safe space in our friends, therapy, books, exercise, family, songs, etc. We are raised to nurture -think of baby dolls and all the accessories. We are taught early on to mother. You, however Black man were given trucks and action figures and balls so early on, feelings are stripped from you. You are taught to be athletic, strong and a fighter. You are told who to be straight out the gate (we all are) and it sucks so bad. Be who you are. Don’t worry about how it looks to outsiders. Low key, they want to have feelings and be themselves too. This patriarchal society that we live in has took you away from your divine gifts and purpose and told you what/who you were. It’s a lie. You are so much more. It is okay to love on your woman, promote for her, praise her. Who cares if you’re called a Simp. Be there for your children. They need you. Tell them they are enough and you’re proud of them no matter what. Don’t force them to be tough or not have feelings. Don’t force them to be what you wanted to be growing up. Don’t treat them how the slave masters treated our ancestors! Tell your children what you wanted your mom and dad to say to you when you were little. Hug and kiss them. Affirm the hell out of them! Don’t leave a hole in them, the same hole that was left in you. Meditate, calm your mind, tell yourself good things. Look for healthy coping skills. Don’t poison your body trying to suppress emotions. Release those toxins. Minimize those toxic behaviors. Take care of your body. What goes into your body goes into your seeds. Infertility isn’t only due to the female’s body. You play such a vital role Black Man. Only surround yourself with women and men who affirm you and believe in you. BUT know, you must feel this within first in order to receive it from someone else. Otherwise, it’ll feel foreign and you will self-sabotage. You will run from it and ruin it. Hurt people hurt people. If you are hurting, heal that pain. Go to therapy. Find a trusted person and release that pain, that anger, that sadness. Accept what is and forgive yourself for playing small and believing the lies. Forgive yourself for hurting people you love because you were hurt. Be accountable. Apologize to those you’ve hurt. Own it, and then move forward. Laugh, love, cry if you need to. Be vulnerable. If you can’t find a safe space or person to confide in, be that person for yourself. Maybe create that space for others. You are so needed. We need you to be edgy. To be tough and protect. But we also need to be affirmed and cuddled by you. We need your emotions and thoughts. You matter. You are more than money and sex despite what the music says. You are more than every designer’s customer. You are more than competition for the next man. You are rich. You are smart. You are abundant. You are King. You are loved, seen, valued and heard. We love those beards. We love those arms, those bellies, that deep voice. We love those hugs, the nice smells, the teeth, the thick eyebrows. We love your wisdom, your jokes, the laughs. We need you. WE love you. Come back to us Black man. We need you around.


Sincerely,

Your Black Queen


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